
Kernel Panic
For Your Consideration (Reprisal)
A bluegrass-metal reply to a hiring brief turns outsourced experience into a deadpan application, with a control-room breakdown and a politely pointed final chorus.

Kernel Panic
A bluegrass-metal reply to a hiring brief turns outsourced experience into a deadpan application, with a control-room breakdown and a politely pointed final chorus.
Track player
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Words & signal
[Intro]
[Spoken]
Dear Hiring Committee:
Your outsourcing experience requirement
Is an interesting place to start.
I’ve experienced it extensively.
Mostly from the other end of the chart.
[Verse 1]
You need someone to grow accounts,
Get close and read the room,
Hear a little business pain
And find another room.
Well, I know the client’s systems,
And I know where budgets bend.
My career became an opening—
Just not on my end.
[Pre-Chorus]
You want someone who knows the gap
Between the pitch and what gets built.
I brought a résumé and banjo.
You can choose which one to shortlist.
[Chorus]
For your consideration,
I need a job since you took mine.
My former firm sent work your way;
I thought I’d follow up in kind.
You want a warm introduction?
We’re acquainted by design.
For your consideration,
I need a job since you took mine.
[Verse 2]
You want a deeper partnership,
A foothold that will last.
I helped build the thing you’re growing;
That experience should last.
You need somebody close enough
To know what’s underneath.
Well, your opportunity pipeline
Ran directly through my seat.
[Spoken]
Do I have experience in outsourcing?
Yes.
Would you like the vendor perspective,
Or shall I describe the packaging?
[Verse 3]
I can talk to an executive,
Then tell the builders what it meant.
I can spot the missing zero
In a promise someone sent.
I’ve never held a sales quota;
I won’t dress that up for you.
But I know when “just one feature”
Means the quarter’s overdue.
[Pre-Chorus]
You need someone to find the pain
And bring it to your door.
Good news: it filled your application.
Would you like to hear some more?
[Chorus]
For your consideration,
I need a job since you took mine.
I’m sufficiently acquainted
With the work behind the line.
You could pay for fresh discovery,
Or we could save a little time.
For your consideration,
I need a job since you took mine.
[Account Review]
CLIENT — FAMILIAR
SYSTEM — FAMILIAR
HANDOFF — PERSONAL
SALES QUOTA — NONE
TRANSFERABLE SKILLS — STILL ATTACHED
CANDIDATE — PLEASE FIND ENCLOSED
[Bridge]
Can I tell you “no” on Monday
And remain employed on Tuesday?
Can I flag a leaking promise
Before someone calls it runway?
If I tell you we’re at capacity,
Will that sentence reach the plan?
Or will I get promoted
To the reason that it can’t?
[Spoken]
You asked for executive presence.
I’m present.
This appears to be uncomfortable.
[Final Chorus]
For your consideration,
I need a job since you took mine.
Put a human in the margin;
See what happens to the line.
If you want someone who knows the work
And won’t pretend it’s fine,
For your consideration,
I need a job since you took mine.
[Outro]
[Spoken]
Salary expectations?
Enough to participate in the economy.
Availability?
An unexpected strength.
Thank you for considering my application.
I understand my work
Has already passed your screening.