Mean Girls and Mustard Beans

MEAN GIRLS \u0026 MUSTARD BEANS

[Intro]
One, two—
Pass the vinegar.

[Verse 1]
They were growing little stories,
I was growing mustard beans,
Both of us were planting something,
If you know what I mean.

They were digging up the dirt on me,
I turned mine with a spade,
They were throwing lots of shade around,
Mine helped the lettuce through the day.

Heard somebody’s disappointed
In the way I tend my greens,
I was out behind the garden
Picking supper off the leaves.

[Chorus]
Mean girls and mustard beans,
Funniest crop I’ve ever seen,
One grows bitter, one grows green,
Mean girls and mustard beans.

They can talk me up and down the line,
I’ve got vinegar, salt and time,
Everybody’s gotta preserve something—
Mean girls and mustard beans.

[Verse 2]
There’s a whisper network climbing,
But my pole beans climbed it first,
Some folks cultivate resentment,
Mine just need a little dirt.

Some are getting pretty salty,
That’s convenient for the brine,
They can put me in a pickle,
I’ve been putting up mine.

I don’t know the proper channels
For a grievance ’bout the peas,
But the beans have raised concerns
About the zucchini’s boundaries.

[Chorus]
Mean girls and mustard beans,
Funniest crop I’ve ever seen,
One grows bitter, one grows green,
Mean girls and mustard beans.

They can talk me up and down the line,
I’ve got vinegar, salt and time,
Everybody’s gotta preserve something—
Mean girls and mustard beans.

[Verse 3]
We’ve established clear objectives,
Every row has got a scope,
Carrots own the root portfolio,
Beans have climbed beyond their rope.

Squash is crossing jurisdictions,
Corn’s been standing there all day,
And for all their poor communication,
They still get the work done anyway.

Succession planning’s handled—
Saved some seed for coming spring.
Funny what survives the winter
When you don’t preserve everything.

[Spoken Breakdown]
“Any interpersonal concerns?”

Nope.

“Any unresolved conflict?”

Japanese beetles.

“Corrective action?”

Bucket of soapy water.

“Anything else?”

Beans need picking.

[Final Chorus]
Mean girls and mustard beans,
Funniest crop I’ve ever seen,
One grows bitter, one grows green,
Mean girls and mustard beans.

They can talk me up and down the line,
I’ve got vinegar, salt and time,
Everybody’s gotta preserve something—
I decided I’d preserve mine.

Mean girls and mustard beans,
One grows bitter, one grows green,
Let ’em cultivate whatever—
I’m just picking mustard beans.

[Outro]
“Anything you’d like to add?”

More vinegar.