Garlic Scape Goat Cheese
A satirical fictional song about a disagreement escalating to a police response; it does not report an actual police call or identify real people.
Creative context: This is a satirical fictional scene about a disagreement over tone escalating to a police response. It does not report an actual police call or make an allegation about an identifiable person or employer.
Track player
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Words & signal
[Verse 1]
Concerns were raised at Wasi
’Bout my current and my style
The Office of Harmony
Reviewed my flow awhile
They asked for better listening
And a more constructive stream
Funny how the thing I actually said
Washed away beneath the theme
Nobody claimed the river
Was in danger of a breach
We just stopped discussing what was true
And started discussing speech
[Pre-Chorus]
Somewhere between “maintain the current”
And “your tone has caused concern”
Somebody found the Escalation Weir
And opened every turn
[Chorus]
They tried to police my tone
Then called the actual police
That’s one hell of a flood response
For a failure to agree
I thought we had a conduct chat
About the words I chose to use
Now there’s a cruiser by the river
And everybody’s confused
[Verse 2]
They cited watershed caution
And community concern
Said the River Code required them
To act before a turn
Duty of care, mitigation
Documented risk
Every noun grew grander
As the explanation slipped
Established procedure
Was apparently the answer
Every time the story changed
They lengthened out the charter
[Chorus]
They tried to police my tone
Then called the ACTUAL POLICE
That’s one hell of a flood response
For a failure to agree
I thought we had a listening plan
About professional conduct
Now proportional response
Has got blue lights by the culvert
[Verse 3]
Gravel cracking by the water
Coffee cooling by the screen
An officer with a notebook
Asked what “tone stewardship” could mean
I pointed to the River Code
Then back down at the chain
And watched a figure of speech become
A matter for the county again
He was calm and he was normal
Which somehow made it worse
Like everybody finally noticed
We’d been rowing in reverse
[Spoken]
For clarity, when I referred to the “tone police,”
I was speaking metaphorically.
INCIDENT REVIEW.
Event classification:
Communication disturbance.
Initial severity:
Low water.
Likelihood of escalation:
Unlikely.
Controls implemented:
Apparently police.
Root cause analysis determined that tone stewardship and law enforcement were insufficiently differentiated in the River Code.
[Final Chorus]
They tried to police my tone
Then called the actual police
You can dam another metaphor
But you can’t redirect the speech
You can write another charter
You can document your choice
But if disagreement needs a cruiser
Maybe tone was never the noise
They tried to police my tone—
[Solo vocal]
Then called the actual police.
[Outro — spoken, almost off mic]
I’m going to mark that control as ineffective.